Well things have turned for the worst. Although I had good intentions on my goals, I am going to be set back now. All thanks to losing my place to stay. Yea I know, *gasp* How? Why? When? But I guess it's very rough and stressful when you have a family like mines. I was staying with my Mom on and off for the past few months, and going to school whenever I got the bus fare. Over a silly disagreement she told me to "Get out, I don't have to put up with you" And she doesn't but I'm a GIRL...and have done alot for the household even without a Job! I cook, clean, was a shoulder for her to lean on, very attentive and I tried my best to distribute and replace any food I ate, put money i her hand, you name it.....
I'm not one to bad talk anybody or share any personal business of my own, but I feel the need to Blog and I already am writing in my Journal, it would do me some good, and maybe help others. So here goes.
Basically my family meaning my Mother, 4 other siblings aren't what you consider close. Especially these days...and I find it sad how things have changed for the worst. I am the youngest girl, and I have a younger brother but if you looked at him now you would think he was my BIG brother and I was the baby of the family haha.
Anyways, let's get down to it, My Mother...how I love her so, yet she constantly disowns me and treats me like no part of her. I know I wasn't adopted, I look JUST like her! I dunno, it just seems everything she taught us when we were kids, I listened and became the Responsible one in the batch of kids, I'd say. My Mother also suffers from Bi-Polar depression, so do I, It seems my family has that going on and Cancer on both sides. So....I'm 21 right now and I always have been treated like the black sheep of the family. :(
I cook, clean, have raised my nieces (I mean literally) and always have been a stable/unconditional love and support for my family. I don't drink heavily, don't smoke or do ANY drugs or crimes at all. Nor am I perfect. I feel I am a good daughter and she knows it, yet I don't meet up to her requirements I guess.
Which brings me to my next point....religion and my Mom. She's a Jehovah's Witness and I actually grew up in the "truth" but I always felt pressured by my mother....and the organization to preach/teach and not be apart of the "world" It's funny and painful how I look back at all the time I spent, missing out on Life and opportunities to spread my wings as a child. My mother was very strict about the religion, forced me to not celebrate holidays, to not have any friends outside the religion, I got whooping s and beaten very often if i wasn't neat or forgot to bring the right book for the Meetings. I wasn't raised like a Normal child should be raised. I guess :/
So I kept feeling like i was missing out on Life and wondered "Why? Why does Jehovah only love this organization of people" "Why can't I celebrate the day I was born, and why can't I befriend my classmates?" My questions unanswered, I would be punished and ignored a lot when i did ask.
So Katrina hits (that;s a story for another time) And we are over in San Antonio, TX as evacuees in a crisis shelter, and let me say... Katrina was a devastating event. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. Anyways, a family came to the shelter one day. A lot of families were opening their homes to us, because we had lost everything. They were called the Wallace Family. So Me, my Mom, my older sister and her child, and brother stayed with them at their lovely home. My mom eventually got her own house and a full house of furniture within 2 weeks, thanks to donations and people from her Religion. But I was going to school near this family's house I felt like I had a 2nd family when I stayed with them. They were a very loving, warm, fun family. Who believed in God, and that was the first stepping stone to my curiosity about belief outside of the JW's The couple were in their 30s and had 2 daughters at the time, under the age of 12. The man of the house really started having Bible studies with me because I was curious like I said. So we started studying every other day and Him and His Wife taught me alot about God, and his son Jesus, about Trinity and all kinds of subjects that I had been curious about for years.
You see, religion is a touchy subject in this world I guess for a superficial world. A lot of people believe in God, and some just don't which is unfortunate. I strongly believe in God, and Jesus Christ saving me, and us all. The day I accepted Jesus into my heart was the day my eyes were fully opened. I think I was about 16 when it happened, I was at a Christian Church with the Wallace family and they asked all those who want to accept Jesus as your God and Savior to come forth, I went up there and got on my knees, feeling a tingling sensation then it hit me. What Jesus did for us.....and I cried...not tears of sadness, but tears of joy and thankfulness, I really felt it....what God did for us...the price his son, Jesus had to pay for us to receive God's Mercy and Grace. Without that, we wouldn't have stood a chance! This is Satan's playing field...Earth.
So my mom was hurt really bad when I told her that I don't want to go to her meetings and practice in the Jehovah's Witnesses thing. She drew further away from me and by 17, she kept on trying ot put me out, and I had no job experience at 18, but after 2 years I finally have some experience under my belt and have had my own Apartment. So....now she says that she will never let me stay with her again and all kinda of hurtful stuff like " I came in the world alone, I'm done helping you" What the hell? What kind of Mother do I have? I am not a bad daughter. My other 2 sister's she keeps comparing me with have had babies, threw them on her and me, partied all these years, and doing who know's what. They also have disrespected my mom, got into fights and all kinds of stuff. That is something I will never do! But she still tries to wait on me to slip up. I'm 21 and have no kids, no drug habits, I just simply fell on hard times when I lost my full-time job :/
So I'll end with, yes I'm in a Shelter and looking for work. But I will never give up on God, he never has let me down. Already he has blessed me with meeting a few people who really seem concerned about my well being and helped me get around these past few days to find something more stable for myself. I also had an Interview 2 days ago at Rouses Supermarket (A new one) down here, and it went Great! The hiring Manager was so Impressed with my persona, that he put a smiley face on my application and said " I'm putting yours in the Good pile" Haha so all thanks to God that I was able to get a lead on this job and another....that I'm not on the street....and I am reminded...yesterday in a lovely sermon,by a pastor, "God is working right now, he woke you up this Morning" :) Thank the Lord and Thanks all who listen and read this. I hope you all have a blessed day and remember, NEVER GIVE UP, God is always there for you. Be there for him when he calls!
